RETARD!

Let me start by saying I don't watch TV, I sort of kinda get ABC but that is it. The only time I ever really see TV is when I'm at the gym and I'm only half paying attention. Last night I was a grump face on the Stairmaster (I am totally out of shape and hurting in a bad way) and I look up to see the none stop coverage of whatever stupid business is going on with Paris Hilton. At first I get a little annoyed because I am tired of seeing her face everywhere I turn. Then I noticed under her picture the caption read "Special." This made me laugh out loud. I then fantasized a world in which the breaking news story is that Paris Hilton's medical condition is that she is secretly retarded and the family has been coving it up for years. With all that money and plastic surgery I bet you could tone down the retard features, but still have that Hilton wonky eye. Later when I was closer to the screen I noticed that under the bold words 'special' was the word 'treatment'. Whatever, I think I totally just broke this story wide open. Paris Hilton is a retard!