Best Thing EVER EVER EVER!

This is my new favorite picture in the history of all pictures ever taken. This is my brother James, I don't know what the rest of the story is nor do I care.

Half Baked

I was coming back from a dinner party at Amanda's tonight and stopped at Vons. I want to do some baking and I needed to pick up a few things. Normally I always go to Trader Joes but when I need baking supplies I go to a bigger store. Okay this is the third time in a row that the casher looks at me, looks at baking supplies, laughs, and condescendingly calls me Betty Crocker. I mean what the fuck!?!? Why is it so funny that I like to bake, I really don't get it. I've always baked sense I was little; pies, cakes, pastries, cookies what-have-you. For some reason people think this is hilarious. Tonight takes the cake though, so to speak. Tonight this middle age black woman looks at what I'm buying, laughs, states the obviously that I will in fact be baking something, and THEN she says "Haha, you're a little Betty Cracker..wait or is Crocker? HA! I can't believe I said that, that's so funny." Holy crap, I just got called Betty Cracker, WOW.

Sorry About That

Dear Lindsey

I had fun taking care of your adorable munchkin cat last night. He let me rub his tummy and it made me giggle all kinds. I regret to inform you that this morning while I was getting out of the shower I didn't notice that I nicked my ankle with my razor shaving. While drying off Mr. Elwood entered my bathroom and rubbed up against the back of my leg covering his wee little face with my blood. In conclusion my sincerest apologies for getting blood on your cat.
Regards
Christine

Irrational Fear

I am extremely creeped out by helicopters in the sky that just stay in one spot and don't move. I'm not sure why it bothers me so much but it does. Today driving to work I could see two helicopters perched in the sky above LAX and they just stayed like that for a half hour. If they were circling or moving even a little it wouldn't bother me. I feel like anything that is in the sky, within our atmosphere, should be in motion or some how rooted to the ground.

Apocalyptic Popsicles

I went to a little coffee shop on Sunset and got a nice cold drink and did some reading by the big open window. Afterwards I took a walk on Sunset. All the streets were blocked off for the protest march. There was nothing but cops on bikes, on foot, and in parked cars out. I was the only civilian walking around that I would see. The helicopters were circling above me. It was a bit surreal. I stopped by one of the convenience stores and got a popsicle. Just me and my popsicle with all of the LAPD in a post apocalyptic Sunset BLVD.

The Vagina of an Angel

Went bowling this afternoon. I came in 5th the first game and won the second. There was such shitty music playing, not like good crappy bowling alley music but contemporary soft rock crap. I very much hate that song "Lips of an Angel" it is so awful it makes me want to cry but I started to sing along my own version which I think makes the song WAY better;

Vagina why you calling me so late?
It's kinda hard to talk right now.
Vagina why are you crying? Is everything okay?
I gotta whisper 'cause I can't be too loud

Well, my vagina in the next room
Sometimes I wish she was you
I guess we never really moved on
It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the vagina of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

And I never wanna say goodbye
But vag you make it hard to be faithful
With the vagina of an angel

It's really good to hear your voice say my name
It sounds so sweet
Coming from the vagina of an angel
Hearing those words it makes me weak

Vag why you calling me so late?

Open Letter

Dear Creepy Guy,

Hey it's me, the girl that you hit on very suggestively every time she takes out her trash. Not that I'm not horribly attracted to dumpy aging losers but your charms are just not working on me. I am now avoiding taking out my trash because you fucking creep me out. So great, thanks creepy, I have a trash problem.
Sincerely
Uninterested Girl

Hello 1991

My wold was a different place.

In the Gross

I just started reading "The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle." I am officially engrossed!

Kiss & Tell

This morning I woke-up with my bottom sheet completely off my bed, you know the one that tucks into the mattress. Yet my top sheet and all my blankets were remarkable still on me. How is this possible? What demons came and visited me in the middle of the night? Also, I had this weird dream that involved me in a competition where I got points for different things. A lot of people I know were in the competition too. One of the things you got points for was to make out with a person in the competition. You got 5 points for every person you made out with. In my dream I decided to forgo any of the other challenges and get my points through making out with all the guys and gals. So I hate to break it to you, I hope you don't feel violated, but I probably made out with you in my dream last night, nothing pervy just kissing. Sorry about that.

Metal Schooled

Oh ho hum, just another night where I come home with ears a ringing after going to a heavy metal show. You know, 'cause I'm so bad ass like that. Actually Erin's boyfriend's band was playing at this club I live next to called The Dragonfly. I've been wanting to go there for awhile because I live so close and it seems like a happening spot. Every time I pass it there is a spot on the corner of the street that reeks of vomit. I figure a vomit inducing club is worth checking out. Dude, I totally scored a free t-shirt when when of the bands pelted me with it from the stage. Rock on my friends, rock on!

Stuffed

I am doing a full load of laundry that is nothing but underwear. I can't believe I have enough underwear to do a load of laundry that is nothing but. I also have a full drawer in my dresser that is nothing but bathing suits. I am a ridiculous person.

Good Music, Bad Movie

Watched La Vie En Rose a film about Edith Piaf. This movie is the Frenchie Frenchiest French movie ever made. I don't recommend it.

Kitties Kiddies

Friday night I went over to the Hollywood House for a bit. I decided to walk. I took Fountain street for about a mile. There are so man cute little secret gardens on that street. I ran around like a crazy lady trying to pet every stray cat I came across, which was surprisingly a lot. I can't seem to help it. One of these days I'm going to end up with rabies and one of my friends is going to have to go Old Yellor on my ass. After the party ended I went for a swim on top of a building downtown till about 2 AM.

Saturday I made a new boyfriend. His name is Louis and he works in the convenience store that I always park next to. I was coming home from the Beverly Center and I deiced to pop into the store and get some water. He asked me if that was my blue car parked outside. I said it was and he said that he sees me all the time and wonders why I never come in. He made me promise to come in more and visit. He has a gross long coke nail, I think I will let my promises turn to lies.

Saturday night was Zach's birthday party. We got him a group present of a gift certificate to H&M. He is going to be one stylish MoFo.

The Cold War

This will probably be an exceedingly portentous post. I try to avoid such things but sometimes I am such things and I will post it (usually alcohol is the cause). In walking home tonight I was a bit cold and I liked it. It got me thinking about a half baked metaphor to how I like to lead my life. It seems like the objective is to always be at a comfortable tempter, put on a sweater when it's cold and take off a layer when it's warm. The thing is I like to feel cold, I like to feel too warm, and I like to feel just right. If I had a choice of always feeling the perfect tempter I would never take it. I don't think everyone feels that way, I think a lot of people would choose always being comfortable. I'm not sure if this even makes sense. Sometimes I purposefully go for walks without a sweater knowing full well I'll be cold, it clears my head into focus.

Corky

hehe, I have another retard gym story. Also, if you are offended by my undying love of retards maybe this blog isn't for you. I mean it with love, and I am perfectly aware that karma is going to kick me in the ass and all my children will end up being retarded.

Anyways, I was at the gym last night and walked out of the locker room to be greeted with the loudest friendliest hello you have ever heard. I look up and see a smiling dude that looked like a bit of a simpleton (not retard features but still a little touched in the head). I smile back and say hello. He fallows me to the Stairmaster and gets on the machine next to me. He has on cotton shorts, a polo shirt, and is wearing loafers. He just smiles and works out next to me. Later I get on another machine and he continues to happily work out next to me. On my way out he smiles a giant grin and waves goodbye to me.

Oh My God, I have a magical retard workout buddy! This fills me with such delights!!!

RETARD!

Let me start by saying I don't watch TV, I sort of kinda get ABC but that is it. The only time I ever really see TV is when I'm at the gym and I'm only half paying attention. Last night I was a grump face on the Stairmaster (I am totally out of shape and hurting in a bad way) and I look up to see the none stop coverage of whatever stupid business is going on with Paris Hilton. At first I get a little annoyed because I am tired of seeing her face everywhere I turn. Then I noticed under her picture the caption read "Special." This made me laugh out loud. I then fantasized a world in which the breaking news story is that Paris Hilton's medical condition is that she is secretly retarded and the family has been coving it up for years. With all that money and plastic surgery I bet you could tone down the retard features, but still have that Hilton wonky eye. Later when I was closer to the screen I noticed that under the bold words 'special' was the word 'treatment'. Whatever, I think I totally just broke this story wide open. Paris Hilton is a retard!

Blooooooood

I really need to start getting more iron in my diet. Wow, that is the most boring beginning sentence to any blog ever made. I wish I could fallow it by saying that I need iron to achieve my ultimate goal of becoming sort of half human half robot master plan. *sigh* Instead I am weak and somewhat anemic for about a day or two every month. Weeeeee, 13 years of vegetarianism. Need iron :(

Manatee Monday!

Hey Fatty! Happy fatty fat fat manatee Monday. Fatties!

p.s. the two paintings are by my brother, we love manatees!

H&M

Went to the Hollywood Forever Cemetery last night to watch Harold & Maude. I love that movie! I haven't seen it in so long that I forgot about a lot of it. That is my favorite romantic movie of all time. It is so genuine and sweet.

Saturday Sunny Sale!

Yard sale at Amanda's on Saturday!

We got a hot crustacean band

Drawing party at Kristen's on Friday night. Fun fun fun! This weeks theme "It Came from the Sea"

The Fuckfest of Blue & Yellow

So today I decided to wear my bright green sweatshirt to work. I never wear it to work but it has been freezing because the air-conditioning system is overcompensating for the approaching summers heat. I notice my boss is also wearing bright green, so is the associate designer, so is our pattern maker, so is the planner, so is our sample sewer, so is the intern. Holy Mother of God it is a sea of green in hear today. I almost lost my shit when someone offered me a keylime pie yogurt. I will sit here and drink my green tea out of my green mug while I hum "It's Not Easy Being Green" and look like a completely deranged person.

I Will Spank Summer in the Ass!

This week has been trying but I think I have gotten some clarity from it. I have been getting back to my old gym routing this week and already feel my thoughts getting clearer. I realized things have been a bit suck sense I injured myself back in February. I wasn't able exercise the way I like, my energy level shot down, I put on weight, I let everything effect me way more then I should have. You know what though, that was just Spring '07, the Spring of frustration and depression. Guess what? Summer is here! This is going to be an awesome summer, it just is. To all the stupidity I dwelled on in the spring I bid a farewell. I have so many fun things planned this weekend. I'm going to start planning fun things to do during the week as well. I will grab you by the balls summer and make you my bitch!

Trippin'

AHHHHHH, I'm so excited. It has been confirmed and plane tickets have been bought. I am flying on my very first business trip. I am going to Miami (yeah, all I can hear is the Will Smith song in my head). It has been years sense I left this side of the US. One month from today!!!

Freedom from my Prison

At the gym last night I went to use their restroom. When I went to leave the stall I couldn't unlock the door. The lock got jammed. I fiddled with it for a few minutes to no avail. I start to think about what my options are in getting out of there. I think 'I could crawl under.' I look down at the dirty damp floor of the public restroom and tiny opening at the bottom. I rule that out. I think 'I could yell for help.' Man, I don't want to do that. I could wait for closing time. Hells no that was hours away. I start banging against the door trying to force it open, not budging. I fiddle with the lock for another 5 or 10 minutes and finally manage to unlock it. FREE! I was so relieved to get out of there that I rushed out and home. Oophs, I probably should have told the staff working there so no one else would get stuck. I am inconsiderate, I am also FREE!!!

poor poor leno

I Love to Shop!

I took this test awhile back but I thought I'd take it again to see if my results changed at all. They didn't. I think this is pretty much true. Feel free to leave me your results in my comment box!

The Window Shopper Random Gentle Love Dreamer (RGLD)     Loving, hopeful, open. Likely to carry on an romance from afar. You are The Window Shopper.     You take love as opportunities come, which can lead to a high-anxiety, but high-flying romantic life. You're a genuinely sweet person, not saccharine at all, so it's likely that the relationships you have had and will have will be happy ones. You've had a fair amount of love experience for your age, and there'll be much more to come. Your exact female opposite: The Stiletto Deliberate Brutal Sex Master     Part of why we know this is that, of all female types, you are the most prone to sudden, ferocious crushes. Your results indicate that you're especially capable of obsessing over a guy you just met. Obviously, passion like this makes for an intense existence. It can also make for soul-destroying letdowns.     Your ideal match is someone who'll love you back with equal fire, and someone you've grown to love slowly. A self-involved or pessimistic man is especially bad. Though you're drawn to them, avoid artists at all costs. BEWARE: The Hornivore (RBSM) CONSIDER: The Gentleman (DGLM), The Loverboy (RGLM), The Boy Next Door (RGLD) Link: The Online Dating Persona Test @ OkCupid - free online dating.

Hi, is your mommy home?

Man, I just accidentally forwarded one of my voice mail messages to my own phone. I sound like a 12 year old girl. Has my voice always been that high?!?! I know your voice sounds deeper in your own head but geez. I am not pleased with my phone voice at all, maybe I should work on sounding more like a grown-up.

May in June

Went to the Mayday 24 hour film contest screening last night. This was the third one I've been to. Everyone always does such a great job and improves so much every year. There was a lot of really good films. For some reason I had my old shyness sneak up on me and make me somewhat antisocial. I've come a long way fighting off my shyness but sometimes it sneaks back on me. I stayed through the movies and prizes and just long enough to hear the band play. I didn't stay for the after party sense I was having trouble looking people in the eye and forming sentences haha. I'm proud of everyone and I really hope this won't be the last year of the competition.

Today Lindsey came over and we had lunch at the new Doughboy's by my apartment. Mmmm, the food was so yummy. I was feeling in a bit of a funk all morning but once I got some good food and coffee in me I feel like myself again.


" never trust a heart that is so bent it can’t break"

Tattle Tail at the Tattle Tale

Went to the Tattle Tale Room last night. I haven't been there sense I was in school and lived next to it. I love dive bars! I was driving there and trying to think back to when the last time I was there. I think the last time I was there was when David got into fisticuffs with an elderly drunkard. I didn't see the old guy there this time but I saw they had some memorial flowers out and there was an announcement for a memorial service for one of their regulars. For some reason all night I just assumed it was the old guy that David boxed (probably not but that is the memory I choose). We had a nice little group going of the Jen's, Amanda, Stacey, Sammy, Jessica, Doug, Zack, Dan, Brian, Rick, and Alex. I was at the bar ordering drinks and look over and see Evan who is there with Josh, Joel, Gladys, and Warren. That was completely random an unexpected. Apparently they all hadn't been there in years either. So random, I never run into anyone I know in LA.

The bar was a good time, people sang karaoke. Amanda sang "Puff the Magic Dragon" which was awesome! My favorite people of the night was this older man and woman, like in their mid 60's older that were making out big time in the corner. I thought they were seriously going to eat each others faces off. Every time I looked over they were still going at it. He was kissing her waddle neck folds and she was performing finger sucking simulated fellatio on him. It was seriously entertaining and completely vomitus.

Today I walked over to a great coffee shop on Sunset and indulged in an iced latte and bagel with egg and cheese, so yummy! It is a gorgeous day.

Bloody Street Bed

So in dispensing my mattress I kinda just left it and the box string for street pick-up. There was another mattress already out there and chair so I didn't feel horrible bad about doing it. The next day I notice even another mattress put out there. I promptly titled that part of the street, Mattress City. The kinda gross thing about my mattress is that at one point I left an open Tuscan red marker on in and the mattress soaked it up. It looked like a giant blood stain. In fairness there was also a big blue ink stain on it as well. So today I walked by and the trash trucks hadn't come by yet and I notice that my mattress and box spring had been taken and the other two mattresses were still there. This means someone saw my mattress and decide to take it home with them. I'm glad someone will get use out of it, it is still a good mattress. But seriously, what kind of person takes home a mattress with a giant red blood like stain on it? gross