Health and Wellness

My dad was taken from the dialyses center to the ER again yesterday and then transferred to the Santa Barbabra hospital. Thankfully he is back home again today. I was pretty worried last night and didn't get much sleep. I've been working pretty hard at the gym this week. I realize most my body insecurities come from my mother's obsession with my weight and critical growing up. I also sort of realize now that in her heart she was just trying to keep me healthy so I don't end up in the same situation as my dad. I do appreciate now that she taught me about nutrition and exercise because in the end they are really important. Tack has just never been something she was terribly good at. Seeing all the pain and suffering my dad is going through now really motivates me to take good care of myself now.

Time After Time

For the last 3 months I have been staying late at work almost every single day and after work I try my best to get to the gym for at least an hour. I usually get home around 9:30 and get between 1 or 2 hours before I go to sleep. I've tried not to think too much about it and just keep going. Today I left work before 6 and thus was able to have the energy to have this amazing workout that made me feel great and go home and have a bit more time just for me. It made me feel worlds better. I need to reevaluate my time management for sure. Because I had more energy today I switched my workout from all cardio to 1/2 cardio and 1/2 weights. I have a feeling I'm going to be pretty sore tomorrow but tonight I feel good :)

Bring In the Clowns

So I was browsing the vintage etsy fabric. I keep an eye out for new listings pretty regularly. I haven't found anything I like recently. When I came across this listing for this piece of clown fabric. I instantly recoiled and shuttered. Then I couldn't get it out of my head how funny and awful it would be to make this fabric into a sexy little dress. I laughed it off but just couldn't stop thinking about it and started to obsess over it in my mind. Then I did the unthinkable, I bought it. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me, I HATE clowns. I think there has been a shift in my feelings towards clowns though. I think the clown fear craze has gotten so popular that I now find it slightly funny. Before when clowns felt like this cute, safe, happy form of entertainment I just couldn't understand it at all and thought they were grotesque and awful. Now that they seem to be so disliked I feel like I'm sort of routing for their horribleness. I don't know, maybe I'm just tired. I think I'm going to really regret this. No one is going to want to hang out with me when I wear this.

I Know my Velocity...slow

I did it! I finally finished reading same book I have been reading off and on for the last half a year, Dave Eggers' "You Shall Know Our Velocity." It isn't a long book at all either. It just weighs so heavy on my heart and pains me but at the same time it's really good. Like many of his books it deals with sadness in all the little ways that feels like there is a tight grip on your heart that you worry will crush you but at the same time it's reassuring and beautiful. This book has the best first and last line I think I've ever read.

First line: "Everything within takes place after Jack died and before my mom and I drowned in a burning ferry in the cool tannin-tinted Guaviare River, in East-Central Colombia, with forty-two locals we hadn't yet met."

Last line: "It stopped for a minute I swear, but then the sound and pictures came back on and for two more interminable months we lived."

That is some wonderful writing there. Okay, next up maybe I will read something a bit lighter.

Hello Stranger

I needed to take a bit of a blogging break but I'm back and ready to blabber about nothing. I think Facebook updates have killed my frequent posting. I hate how they break down my story to the most basic and simple form. I think modern technology has slowly been destroying my ability to write more then a sentence or break down communication to almost nothing. One of my favorite things in life is hearing everyday stories and telling my own. I don't want to loose that and I hate using the phone. In fact I was thinking that it has probably been about 10 years sense I actually wrote a handwritten letter. I will always remember back in the fall of 1999 I had many letter writing correspondence with friends that had went off to college. A year later everything turned into e-mail and the world changed forever. I'd love to write letters again. They are just so much more personal. I have to look into who would not be weirded out by receiving a personal letter from me haha For some reason writing has been the only medium I feel free enough to be completely honest in. Oh shoot, I have to run. I have a full day and evening of fun and friends, and you know what? I will write about it later. So stay tuned, lots more posting coming soon. Peace, Love, and Cookies

I finished making another dress this weekend with some vintage fabric I bought on etsy. I really like this one and the weather has been getting so lovely out I can't wait to wear it!

I haven't been keeping this blog up at all. Mostly I really feel like complaining and bitching about stupid superficial things and I just stop myself from posting that because I don't want to be so negative. I feel like I need a pep talk and pick me up. I feel like I have a lot of things bottled up and a lot of frustration in general. This is not to say that I haven't been doing lots of fun things and having a great time. I feel like I've come to a crossroad where that really isn't good enough to keep me going and I need something new and fulfilling. I just don't have a plan and I'm really not doing anything to solve this.