pity

My dad has been going to get dialysis for awhile now. While at the dialysis center he was sat next to a girl I went to elementary school with. She told my dad that she remembered me and that she remembered that I was nice. I instantly remembered this girl when my dad told me about her. She was very short and got picked on a lot because she wet her pants. I didn't know at the time but it was due to kidney failure and health problems. I remember feeling sorry for her but was so relieved that there was someone lower then me at the bottom of the pecking order. My parents raised me very sheltered and with absolutely no social skills. For a long time I was very much like those strange home school kids that can't interact with society. I won't lie, elementary and middle school were pretty rough on me while interacting with my peers. By the end of middle school I toughened up to a point that no one would dare to bother me. By high school I made some great friendships and understood social interaction more then your average person.

Back to elementary school and to this girl. People were so mean to her. I never once said or did anything bad to her. Even at the time I knew it was cruel to be happy that someone else was there to catch the grunt of the teasing and mocking but it was still a relief. I just remember as bad as things were for me they were even worse for her and in an odd way it made me thankful. When my dad mentioned that he saw this girl I told him that I remembered her and that I use to feel bad about her getting teased so much. My dad then in turn told this girl that I remembered her and how I felt bad about her being teased. I guess she said "I know, but she was always nice to me." I was really embarrassed that he said that. If anything I wish he would have just said I said hi. I didn't want to send across a message of decades old pity. If someone remembers you from such a long time ago you don't want it to be a memory of pity. I've been thinking about her for the past week, memories that I didn't even remember I had. I was trying to think of a proper message to send through my dad, one that wasn't of pity. Then on Tuesday my mom sends me the girls obituary. She died. Tonight's her memorial. It's strange that in the last week of her life, even though I didn't even know she was that close to death, she had been on my mind. I guess that's my memorial, I just wish I could remember something besides pity.